Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

Emphasizing the relationship with the EX ?
Can't explain much about this..I need answers. Had a bust up about dining with his ex. He thinks im jealous of having dinner with his ex alone as he sees me 24/7 and why can't he have a meal out with his ex once in a blue moon? Besides its about to discuss about MT and catch up on things? If you can't stand it , too bad!! Well F* You JT!!
He didnt even give me a chance to explain why im feeling this way, it would be better if he could say oh i am going out for a meal with my ex alone to discuss things NOT say that and being very quiet about the outing. Making me think he has having affair.
The thing about the fall down on relationships is less communication. Can't believe i even mention you can bloody hell go out with other girls or prostitute i don't care , just let me know some information what will you be doing with them. Why so secretive and quiet about it!!



Pissed me off when he said that. So I get it, I need to let you emphasize the relationship with you ex for the sake of MT. But does it have to be the extend of having a meal out alone just the two? Hmmmmmm.
I told him i need to be prioritise too. It's not all about your daugther and your ex. If its so important maybe you should go marry your ex! I just don't understand it sometimes. I get fed up, sure i trust JT but the way he put it sounds as i am not important.  I wonder how the ex's husband tolerates this relationship. I guess he has a child with the ex so he puts all his devotion on to the baby.



Me , i don't have anything except I can focus more on my career , my friends and see how much longer I can put up with this relationship. I thought it would be ok at first. But things just been rough and self esteem is down so maybe a hint of jealously may initiate the bust up. I dunno.



Anyways JT came and hug me and apologies that he will be more informative about the outing next time. Will see if he does. I do not wish to have to remind him about it. I deserve better treatment don't I? hehhe



Lots of Love,

5:27:00 pm | Category: , , , | 0 views

Mother's Day and Step Mother's Day? ( well am not officially a stepmom yet)

It just stinks doesn't it when you are in a step family relationship where your dating a guy with a kid for a good couple of years. I feel like a maid , taxi driver , bank account , whore at times as not being appreciated. But i guess its those consequences you have to face when you are in a relationship with a step kid.

Sometimes in my mind , maybe thats why JT does not want to get married with me as why should he when he has a girlfriend who doesn't complained, does everything for him and treats his daughter well and gets along with his ex ??

It was nice that MT did offered to give me some flowers from church and i was really touch by her consideration . Bless her!! I told her to get some for her mum and nan ( her mum's mum).

I was quite furious that JT didnt even have the slightest gesture or thought to get me something for Mother's Day. I know im expecting to much , eventhough I am not a mum but hey who does all the tidying , cooking , cleaning , ironing and sacrifice my own couple time. Call it selfish , i do not care. But at least some small gesture you know. I am human and i would love to be appreciated at times. So would i want to deal with this treatment say if i was to marry him in future? I am not sure at the moment.

Oh speaking of that , his mum is so weird.. Lately im getting bad vibes from her. Everytime i compliment her she ignores it and doesn't really like to hear it from me. OK , and then she gives funny reaction when MT wants to give me flowers to address me for Step Mother's Day. Well hello , doesnt mean i did not give birth to MT and just dated your son in a couple of years you dont have to give that sneer attitude to me.

I do make myself useful by doing all the housework and welfare. Gosh...makes me furious.. now i see why getting along with in-laws / in my case about to be in laws is NIGHTMARE. A further post shall be written more into this topic.



Anyways , i just want to address to all those girls who are dating / married a guy with kids , Happy Step Mother's Day or Happy Tolerating Girlfriend's Day. I know how you lot feel not being appreciated. Definitely need to address this issue to Hallmark! Unless this isn't a big issue .



Lots of Love,
10:12:00 am | Category: , , , , | 0 views

Chinese New Year

Can't believe time has past and back to reality. Brought JT back to my home country to celebrate Chinese New Year . I can say it was amazing, was really good to have couple time together and escape the horrible cold weather. I am glad i am able to show him my hometown and most of all meet both my mum and dad side of family. Anyways i am in the midst of finishing up my dissertation. I shall post up more pictures and write about my holiday during break. In the meantime enjoy this picture for the time being.

Lots of Love ,

Dy
1:43:00 pm | Category: , , | 0 views

Why Doesnt He Say I LOVE YOU
This one is for the Girls,

JT and I have been together 21 months now and he still hasnt said the word I love you.

Why? well a question that i always try to understand and ponder. I asked him and he said Dont you think its better when I meant it? ...Men..utterly frustrating!!!

Sometimes he says Love you darling when i have to go get his injections where its far for him to walk and I will go get it for him and he appreciates it lots so guess thats when he say I love i suppose.

Anyways an article for you to think about it.


Q: I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year. He is the perfect man for me. I truly love him. Through the things we do and say, it’s implied that we were meant to be with each other. For example, I designed a cake and got him a gift that said "I love you" on it. He acts like he loves me and will never leave me.


A: Two things seem to be going on. First, you might be experiencing some unrealistic expectations. You referred to your partner as truly the perfect man for me, yet you also describe behavior that doesn’t seem to suggest all things are indeed perfect – such as him never saying he loves you. We must have standards for a partner, but they shouldn’t be idealized.
Soul mates are never perfect. Even the strongest relationships involve some give and take. You might be demonstrating black-and-white thinking, which is not uncommon in women because they tolerate less ambiguity then men. Seeing things this way has advantages in some situations and disadvantages in others.



In your situation, you should honestly ask yourself if he truly never expresses his feelings, or is it more the case that he simply just does not say the words “I love you” enough for your personal taste and expectations.


The second issue might be involved differing communication styles between men and women. In healthy relationships, men might not say “I love you” because they sometimes feel their actions speak louder than words or they feel some discomfort verbally expressing love due to their upbringing. It’s important to understand that actions and words go together because they reinforce each other.
However, in unhealthy relationships, arguing over how many times he says this phrase is a sure sign that there are deeper issues in the relationship – most likely it’s a control issue.


While it’s a control tactic for women to insist that men express themself through these specific words, it’s also a power play for men to withhold precisely the phrase that means so much to women. Each party is guilty of putting the individual agenda first, before the needs of the other person and the relationship as a whole.


Whatever “I love you” symbolizes for you needs to be expressed and discussed. His interpretation also needs to be discussed. Chances are good that your two expectations are not the same, and both of you are worried about the implications of the presence or absence of these words in terms of emotional involvement and long-term commitment.


Women would do well to acknowledge and appreciate other ways their partners express love and devotion. As action-oriented beings, men naturally show their love by doing things for their partners. This form of expression is just as valid.
The first step is for you to ease your frustration by talking openly about your concerns with him. It sounds like you have been hesitant to do this because you are afraid he might say he does not love you.


Remember relationships are risk-taking ventures. It’s better to know the status of your relationship then to assume what it is and then have the both of you experience unspoken, but crippling tension. When you talk to him remember to not sound like you are blaming him. Rather, simply try to understand some of his behaviors that confuse you, and make sure those sentiments come across.


The second step for you is to put aside any idealized standards of your partner that you might have and then thoughtfully listen to what he has to say. Lasting relationships are built over time; they are not instantly made via a soul mate connection. Keep that in mind and enjoy the process of building a relationship with your partner.

Hope that helps for those who are wondering why he doesnt say it. Dont worry , you are not the only one out there. Just act cooly and take it lightly. Better love yourself then expect someone to love you right?


Lots of Love,
11:14:00 am | Category: | 0 views

Valentines Day - The truth is out!
It will be 3 days to our 18 months together with JT . As always Valentine preparation etc...but i guess with the economic downturn hitting UK badly it has affected our expenditure lately. Last years Valentine's was a surprise day trip to Calais and it was so romantic..but this year is a bit chilled out and decided to have it a home instead.

I was kinda up for Valentines meal and surprise thing and even ordered a special Valentine Day card from moonpig.com 2 days before the 14th Feb, i know i have been choke with university work and didnt even had the mood or free time to think about valentine plus JT and I have been going through some rough patch of being together. But here is how my card look like :-










Its hard being in a relationship when you move in with your boyfriend. So much to cope up with. The size of your wardrobe needs to be sacrifice , the space you want to have is so much constrain and less freedom to do what you want. But then again its lovely to be closer to your boyfriend and i dont think i have the energy to cope with Long-distance - Been there done that , heart broken , move on

Anyways back to the topic.. as i said i was so hype up on whether JT is doing anything special for me this year Valentine but then i again dont expect much . If he does then yeah if not i dont think i get too affected anymore as i have been through hell with him that week and called him to F*off. but everything is alright for now. As we have little MT ( his daughter) for weekends hence we dont get the 'our special time' together so guess there is no point of doing anything lovey dovey things around.

So what we had for dinner was Fiilet steak from the butcher and exchanged gifts & cards. I didnt expect him to get me anything during that time and teasingly ask him where is my flowers / chocolates and card? JT cheekly said where is mine? so demanding!!!!!
I told him i didnt have anything for you am afraid but FINALLY he manage to open it amongst the letters...and loved it :)


I thought i wont get anything from him but he went out to his car telling me his getting something and then out comes a set of lovely candles and handmade chocolates from John Lewis.

How thoughtful and im happy but not too impressed with his effort of gifts ( in my heart) but i guess its better than nothing. Was expecting to have flowers from him. But then again this will do ...i didnt give him anything on valentines day but cleaned the house! i showed him the gift that he should be having but it will arrive on the 20th.It was a photo love book from photobox. He liked it and laugh at me telling im so last minute.
Cant manage to show you a digital copy but will take some picture once the book arrives.


So as we had our dinner and crack open a Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin i think i was getting drunk , WE WERE TALKING about names on IF I WAS TO HAVE A BOY or A GIRL and ask him a question :-

Dy : Would you ever want kids in the future?
JT : They are expensive and Im not sure if i can give the same attention to what I give MT. Besides age is going to be a lot of differences there.
Dy :Well im sure its not fair on your future partner if she wants to have kids next time. Surely you must want kids with the partner. It will be a
selfish thing not to have any. I want kids if i was to end up with you.
JT : You a mum? so scatty! lol...you will be a good mum and kids do change you.
JT : You might have to look for someone else !!!! TEASINGLY at me....of course i want kids but i cant afford another one yet.
Dy : I have to tell you this JT, I can never love MT as my own. I can understand the role why people use the term evil step-mother. Thats because
they have to be cold for the sake of both child and the real mum. I have cross boundaries with SH regarding giving MT a camera And SH ( MT'S MUM) didnt
like it
and wanted a new pink one for MT...my thats a bit harsh considering MT is only 7 years old why give an expensive camera at that young age
where I was willing to give her mine Canon IXUS I. Its old but would do for a little girl. Oh well i told JT and he laugh.
Dy : i guess it all make sense now about step-mum role with the real mum role
JT : SH wants the best for MT. and its hard for both me and SH. I want MT to regard MH as a father as well eventhough that hurts. As long MT is happy i dont mind . Plus MH is contributing to the household / expense for MT but DC (me) not contributing anything as again its the MALE and FEMALE perception. Men are perceive to feed the family while Femaleis regarded to take care of the home.
DY : Yeah but i dont mind contributing to the expense of having MT just that would it be risky to cross over boundaries with SH? I dont mind loving MT but she has a mother and there is always going to be jealousy .
JT : Call me a hypocrite but i can never see myself in your shoes or ever want to be in relationship with someone who has a child
Dy : You telling me you wont love the child as much as your own ? and would you not want a relationship with someone who has a child so you guys have more in common
JT : NO....rights can we retire now in the living room darling?
DY: yes we can. I'm glad we had this conversation
JT : Yeah.

There you have it!!! The truth is out!!!! And i dont feel the burden of keeping secrets from him anymore..Stay tuned for more then

Love ,
12:06:00 pm | Category: , | 1 views

Apprehensive to Business Partnering

As i have mention , * JT *and I are in the process of setting up an event photography business , we have 2 events lining up now in our calender...
First would be a 'James Bond' theme event in 13th September and the other is a wedding event.

I am so excited and nervous , so much to prepare and so little time to get everything organize.!!!!
Cant believe everything is happening so quickly. It all started when both JT an i got our cameras. JT got a canon 400D while I got a canon G7
during our birthday month which is June 2007. That's when we both also started to court each other as well.

We are looking at materials and working out cost to set up our business.At the moment we are deciding to choose what type of equipment and settings to use so we can perform well in the event.
It's always scary to start something from scratch but i think both this would be a great opportunity for us to turn our passion into reality. I''ll be also selling my G7 in order to upgrade to 400d or better 450d.

However what worries me at the moment is , since all these exciting opportunity turns up & the decision of setting up a business together , i wonder would this affect our relationship later on?

Reading through this coloumn

  • You still need to get comfortable with how much personal sharing you will do,
  • what secrets you will hold within the partnership and withhold from friends and colleagues, whether hugs and affection are appropriate
  • Even how much attention you pay to birthdays and other personal life events. Essentially, no matter what sex your partner is, you are negotiating how much distance you want between your personal life and your working relationship with your partner.
  • Stepping across the line of your partner's personal boundaries can destroy your partnership.
  • If you don't establish ahead of time what your expectations are, one wrong step can critically injure your partnership.
  • In some partnerships, these issues are never discussed because they quite simply never come up. My caution to you is this:
  • If any questions about personal boundaries do arise, address them in the early stages, before misunderstandings occur. Though these can be the most sensitive and embarrassing conversations you have with your partner, ignoring these issues will only endanger your partnership.

To be followed later on.......



Love ,
10:14:00 am | Category: , , | 0 views